There must be some kind of curse on me right now. Life is making it so hard for me to succeed. Not having internet at the house makes things hard enough but this computer which works sometimes, not others, shuts off randomly, the screen goes black, makes it even harder. And lately the problem has been when it is working it wont let me attach documents to emails. So there goes sending resumes to job postings. Because even if I wanted to just copy and paste it at the end of the cover letter, the format of the resumes goes bananas and each time I would have to spend atleast 20 minutes correcting the alignment. If its not one thing its another. I can succeed and I will, its just beating me down right now. Down down down into the ground, grinding me down with the big heel of a gigantic world. I am the dead horse, stop beating.
Its not suppose to be hard. This was suppose to be a breeze. I dont get it. I thought I had finally gotten my way, things were going my way. Life would be perfect and easy because thats the attitude I had put into the universe. And instead I get struggle and worry. No matter how many times everyone says "life isnt easy, its not fair, you dont always get your way" I will never learn. I surrender to these lessons because I cant get them through my head. And until I can (which I cant) I am doomed to a life of disappointment. Please dont get me wrong, I am in no way disappointed that I am out here, trying to make something better of myself. I know that there are low points in life, and its not always a smooth ride. This is a low point, a dip off the graph of my life. Im riding it out. I must express some bit of misery to fully appreciate when it finally picks up.
There is a mold of the adult I am becoming, it already exists and deep down, subconsciously I know what it is. My circumstances and situations are breaking me and making me into that person. I cant see the big picture but I can follow my gut and understand the things that happen are the things that make me, as uncomfortable as they may be.
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2 comments:
Keep your head up, girl. You're just in a rough patch while you're transitioning from a little girl to an adult. Things will get better & I'm praying for you everyday!
Baby! I'm sorry things are not going as planned...but they never do, as you know. I hope it gets easier!! I'm sure it's the last thing you're thinking about but I'm still coming to WA for xmas. Arriving 12/20 and leaving the 27th or 28th. Are you going to be around??
I love you!! And I am sending you all the good energy I have in my soul.
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